Everything happen for a reason

Assalammualaikum & Hello. 

Have you ever blame someone 'bout everything or anything ?

If you said that you never blame someone for anything you are such a liar . 

I tell you the truth. 

We must have something that we feel awful, regret or pain and we past the blame to someone . 

Right ?

It was once upon a time. 

I got this suck feeling for everything ;

I blame The Greatest One ; Allah SWT for taking my younger sister at the young age of 13,  I blame my parents for no reason, i blame my younger sister for left me alone in this huge world without a single word, i blame my relative for not comforted me when i'm down and

 i blame myself for not being stronger. 

At the moment, I HATE MYSELF. 

Seriously, i won't speak.

I won't tell anyone about my pain.

I just said that "i'm okay" eventhough i'm not. 

I paste a fake smile in my face and smile to everyone. 

I just acted that i'm stronger and move on.

Actually i hate people that time. 

I hate it so much until i think what is my reason for living in this life ?

My life is pitch in darkness. 

It's dark , cold and no one help me. 

NO ONE found me . 

NO ONE take the responsibility. 

I just act to became cheerful again after a long period of time, but it's all fake. 

I'm telling you that this is the real stories.  

I'm not faking it nor make a stories to tell . 

It's all happen in my real life. 

It happen in ME. 

Until Allah gave me some sort of light. 

One night, not to long after my younger sis passed away, i dream of her. 

That time i missed her so much. 

I missed my her badly. 

I missed how can we laugh without a worry. 

I missed to chat with her 'bout everything. 

I missed how we both sleep together. 

I missed to hold my sister hand and measure it to see the growth for both of us. 

When i dream about her i felt so happy. 

I want to hug her but she was so far away. 

She smiling at me with her dimple and behind her back was a mosque. 

A mosque.

She didn't talked and just smiled all the way and just point to me the mosque behind her back . 

Then, suddenly i wake up. 

For the first time in my life i cried very-very hard. 

I cried and cried and cried. 

I let it go . I let my sister go. I just hope for her happiness there.
After that night, i'm changing. 

I'm changing to accept the reality that my sister is now gone FOREVER. 

Then, that time i just felt that i'm dreaming for a very long time. 

Because of that dream,

I don't blame Allah nor the people surrounding me anymore. 

I devoted myself more to the way my sister want me to be. 

To become more closed to Allah. 

Not blame Him for the fate that He wrote for me. 

Accept the "Qada' and Qadar" and move on. 

I just realised that :

Everything called life and lived in this earth will died someday. 

Just we don't know are we leaving this earth with a young age or old.

So, because of that motto, i begin to lead my new life. 

A life without darkness and light shine because of Al-Quran. 

I became the new me. 

I think the best part of this stories is that i become a lot stronger to lead my life. 

I know that everyone actually support me behind my back. 

I'm not actually alone in this earth. 

I have Allah SWT besides me all the time. 

I just not fully aware because darkness was beyond everything in my life.

I have my parent. 

They we lot stronger than me, i think. 

They didn't show me their pain because they want me to become stronger and not always thinking about my sister. 

So,

Everything happen for a reason. 

I became lot closer to my parent. 

I open my heart to accept people. 

I shared my pain and not gonna through it alone. 

I know that eventhough my sister is now gone but she always watch me from there.