Staring blankly at a piece of white paper.
Thinking what should I wrote here instead in my diary or memories. 
Finally, I have a rough idea what to tell. 
But, I still lay down thinking, should I tell what is bugging in my mind or not. 

Well, hello there. 
I just didn't have courage to write here because I think writing here will make my memories of the past jump in right on the spot. 

Yesterday, I become 21st years old. 
4th September 2015. 
For the first time I celebrated my birthday away from family. 
Actually it's kinda sad because I miss my parent but my commitment as student need me to be here. 
Luckily I have  housemates that make a surprise party to me. 
Still I miss my mom and abah and of course my late younger sister. 
this year have been 7 years I didn't celebrate with her. 
It's kind sad for me.
Both my best friend now away from me. 
They also have commitment they need to full fill. 
We do not come close anymore but I think it's just my feeling that they do want their own space. 
Let them be. 

A year, 
 I have gone through many upside down a year now.
But still, I cannot judge people. 
I cannot read people. 
This struggling ate me lately. 
I hate this type of loneliness feeling. 
I need to grow stronger but I always stumbled down in the middle of my journey. 
It's always be liked that. 

I have restrain myself not to think negatively. 
But, the conception sometimes overwhelming me. Myself. 

It's hard to breath. 
It's hard to communicate. 
It's even hard to like the things that your aren't supposed to liked. 

Everything is messed up right now. 
During my 21st years in earth. 

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