# Day 2 : The horrible day that you want to erase from your memory
salam eblyone .
Everyone have been through a hard time once in life right ?
so do me .
Eventhough , i got tons of hard time in this earth ,
this 'one day' stands off the most .
It was on 11 July 2008 .
Friday , with a nice weather and clear sky .
i'm about to go too school .
that year , 2008 i live with my grandma because my younger sister have sickness and my parents got to live in hospital a while .
When my grandma had prepared my lunch and i'm about to eat ,
i got a call .
First my aunt answer it .
Then , suddenly she cried and i my heart races so fasssssssssst .
i don't know why .
my aunt gave me the phone .
she said to hear it myself .
the caller is my father .
that time i have a bad feeling because my father cry on the phone .
once in my life , i NEVER heard or see my father cry .
but that day , my father cry .
what my father said still strong in my mind .
he said liked this :
'Firah... Syidah dah tak ada . Syidah dah tak ada .'
that time , my heart felt liked stopping , the earth is stopping , the clock is stopping , the people is stopping from moves .
All things around me is stopping .
i don't know .
awhile , my body doesn't moves liked what my brain told so ,
then , my aunt help me to sit down in a chair , takes a deep breath but i don't think i hear what she said .
i burst into a tear .
i think i cry so hard because last day my sister in this earth , i don't live beside her self .
when , my younger sister body arrive to my house
(my house and my grandma house is near) ,
and people gave me 'takziah' speech ,
it felt so empty down to my heart .
so EMPTY . felt NOTHING .
that time , i see my younger sister dead body .
i just felt that she prank me . and i see no breath in her body , no upside and down in her stomach . NOTHING .
i cry . cry . cry . cry . cry .
in my heart i said ,
'Syidah , jangan la memain lagi . bangun larh . kakak nak tengok kamu senyum .'
'Syidah , nanti kakak sensowang jew kat dunia neyh , kenapa kamu tak nak bangun lagi .'
'Syidah , kenapa kamu tak bangun , jangan larh memain lagi . Nanti kita dah tak boleh nak tidur sesama , makan sesama , main sesama , cerita sesama , tak boleh nak kutuk orang dah . Dah tak ada sapa dah nak dengar kakak cakap apa . bangun la , kenapa tak bangun ? '
Everyone , take their hand and grab me to show their support , but i felt nothing . my view blank until i arrive to the grave of my sister .
I see one of the light , two kids hold my younger sister hand and walk .
i think that my younger sister said to me 'goodbye' and walk away .
Nobody see it except mine .
After that , for the 'majlis tahlil' i am the only one smell a rose fragment beside me .
it the last smell that i smell when i kiss my younger sister face .
i think because i am the closest one to my younger sister then , she came to me to see me .
Then , i didn't dare to step toward my room .
because i shared it with my younger sister .
many memory that i hold in that room .
whenever i step in that room , i can still see my younger sister smile , cry and play with me .
the memory was only for me and her .
i am only older one year from my younger sister .
and we are only the two child in my family .
So , i kinda not common in that situation .
Almost two weeks then , i came back from my grandma house because all the wardrobe , colour of the wall , the cabinet , the sofa in my room changed .
still it was unusual .
my mom always cry in the night , i am afraid of the dark , i cannot close the lamp and i just don't liked myself .
i HATE myself .
i always said to myself that time why i was the only one that survive and why i don't follow my sister .
i became quiet , hard to approach , always crying and i don't have a good relationship with my parent .
I didn't talk almost a month and i didn't smile .
but , one day , i dream about my sister .
She smile to me and beside her was a mosque .
She wear a white cloth and she show me the mosque .
then i awake .
'azan subuh' reverberate .
i pray and my eyes fill with tears .
after that dream ,
myself changed because that dream show me that i have to move along in live .
i have to forget her and fight for alive .
i have to makes my parents happy because they are more heart broken then mine .
i have to cheer my life because Allah love her more .
that was the turn of my life to become more mature and the experience make me more stronger . InsyaAllah :')
Alfatihah , to my younger sister :
Allahyarhamah Musyidah Mohd Shalleh .
p/s - my younger sister was 13 years old back then , and she had a 'lymphoma-cancer' in a last stage . So , when i am grown up , i want to become part of charity that help children with cancer disease to cheer their life :')
